Our fighters... mortalinstumentsmaardanbetermuahahha

He immediately knew he had made the right choice. He had always found calmness in the anonimity of walking through a large crowd of people, everyone going their own way. He had his hands in his pockets and allowed for once that his thoughts drifted off. He thought about Kayleigh and Ava, and the way they always seemed to touch in one way or another when they were in the same room. Then, for some inexplicable reason, his mind drifted off towards the first few days after he and Kayleigh had taken their oath and had become parabatai. It had been just him an Kayleigh for a really long time. He knew it was childish, but he liked the fact that it was always them together against the rest of the world - he liked having her for himself.

He noticed he started worrying - again - and so he concentrated on the people around him to distract his thoughts. When had first arrived at the Institute, he used to spent ages in the centre of the city, watching people, imagining how their lives would be. It was an easy way for him to relax.
This time, though, it didn't work out that way. Just as he walked over the London bridge, his eyes fell on Aliisa and all his worries came crashing back again. Her hair had somehow turned back to the way it used to be, red instead of white. She was looking at him as well, and suddenly he didn't know what to do. His first instinct was to give her a greeting sort of smile, but then he thought about the last time he had encountered her, and he didn't. Now they had seen eachother he didn't think he could walk away, though, so he slowly made his way to her bench. He kept his hands in his pockets so she wouldn't see how he nervously tapped his fingers against his leg, and he was sure to keep his face even.
'Well,' he said as he was in earshot. 'I certainly didn't expect to find you here.' It was the only thing he could think of to say out loud, so he stayed silent after that, even though he wanted to say a lot more. Does your hair being red mean you're the Aliisa I know again? Did you know I would be here? Why did your father know Clemence? Do you even know he went to her? Do you know how many people have died because of you?
He bit his lip and glanced over at the water. After another few moments of silence, he decided to sit down next to her on the bench, holding his bag on his lap. 

Aliisa

She kept silent until he sat down next to her, which gave him a little more time to gather his thoughts. 'Neither did I expect to see you, or anyone for that matter,' she said, not looking at him. He stole a quick glance at her face before looking at his own shoes. 'If you didn't expect to see anyone I believe you misunderstood the whole idea behind a city,' he said, though he wasn't sure why he did. This didn't feel like the time for cynic remarks or jokes, although he was sure he'd crack if he kept it all in. 
Just after the silence between them had returned again, she opened her mouth. 'My hair does not change my character and no, I did not know you were going to be here otherwise I would have stayed far away from this place. I had no idea my father was going to meet Clemence or that he knew her, because I only known him for a few days and yes I know how many died, but that was not just my fault,' she said, not giving him any time to intervene. The fact that she somehow got into his head made him feel slightly threatened, and he sat up a little more straight. He didn't like people knowing what he really though - he had grown to used to hiding his thoughts from others for that. He looked at his hands as he scratched at the side of his thumb, not knowing what to say or what to do. 
'I'm sorry, I should not have done that but you almost screamed them at me,' Aliisa muttered and he looked up. 'Screamed them at you,' he repeated, sounding a little awed. He looked back at his fingers again and bit the inside of his cheek. He should've known Aliisa wouldn't be the same anymore- people didn't often change back to something they had been. Still, it felt weird, like there was a huge gap between them that hadn't been there before. Not that they'd grown that close to eachother during the time Aliisa had stayed at the Institute. Like he had said before, he was too good at hiding for letting anyone get close to him. There wasn't even a real reason why he did it. He could say it was because of his scar and he had always known he wouldn't live too long, but it wasn't that. Most shadowhunters died at an early age, so there was nothing different in that.
'I never wanted it to be that way. It was not just my decision, it was all of those that fought with me. We did it because we felt the need to. It is not like your people did not ask for it. They have been killing, surpressing and violating my kind for centuries,' she said, which made him jerk his head up with anger. 'We did not ask for it,' he hissed at her.
'I know we've never been perfect, we have made a lot of mistakes in the past, big ones as well,' he said. 'But it hasn't been like that for years now. Most of us aren't like that, we don't-,' he didn't finish his sentence, to heated up to find the right words. 'You just chose not to see that,' he blamed her and looked in front of him again, watching the people walk by.
'It's not a good enough excuse,' he said, breathing in deep in an attempt to calm himself. 'I feel the need to smash Clemence' head into the wall sometimes, but it doesn't mean I actually do it,' he added, crossing his arms. 
After that, he stayed silent for a while, chewing on his lower lip. When he had sat down next to her, he hadn't meant for the conversation to go this way. Sure, he was angry at her, but at the same time he was incredibly glad to see she was alright. Feeling as if he needed to make sure she understood that, he ran a hand through his hair and looked at her, feeling a little insecure. 'I was glad to hear you got rid of that demon,' he muttered, before turning his gaze away again.

Aliisa

He could almost feel the heat radiating from her as she opened her mouth to respond to his words, that was how angry she looked. 'I had only seen that for a few months!' She protested. 'And then after that for more than two years, I saw only the pain your people caused min,' she hissed at him. Something about those words made his heart drop, and he looked away. It seemed he couldn't be anything else but uncomfortable and insecure around Aliisa. 'Well, that's barely our fault is it?' he asked her, though he knew it wasn't hers either. The thought of Damian, despite how short the one meeting with the man had been, made his skin crawl. He could still remember the last words the man had spoken before disappearing along with Aliisa and Léon. As if his dreams would ever allow him to forget. See you soon.
Well, obviously that hadn't happened. 
'Besides, that comparison is not like what happened and you know that,' Aliisa added to her earlier words. Evas didn't answer, because, yes, he knew. 
'It is easy for you to judge me, but I have apparently seen more recent activity of your kind than you have yourself. I could even show you if you want to, maybe you could see it from my point of view,' she said, and now looked him in the eye. It felt like a challenge, so he held her gaze when he answered. 'Don't ever think I'm not aware of our own flaws,' he said, and took a quick breath when hearing how hoarse his own voice sounded. 'I used to be confronted with it every day. Sometimes it seems we have only inherited the arrogance of angels and all the flaws of the human race, leaving us blind to our mistakes.' Now he did look away, and started fidgeting with his fingers again. 'I'm not trying to right the way shadowhunters used to- used to hunt down warlocks,' he started, wondering why it was so hard for him to speak the words out loud. 'But you have to understand why we are like- like we are,' he added. 'Imagine an insecure shadowhunter. We need that arrogance when we fight off the demons in this world, otherwise we'd lose the war before it'd even start.'
He stayed silent after that for a while, going over his words again in his head. He didn't want Aliisa to misunderstand him- he desperately tried to avoid the gap to grow even wider between them.
Something still felt off, however, and he frowned a little, playing back their conversation. When it finally dawned on him, he looked at her again. 'I never judged you Aliisa. I mean, not in the way you think I have,' he said, sounding mostly surprised she'd even think it. 'I'm already very aware of the things my kind has done, but you can show me nonetheless. If that's what you want,' he added after a short pause, now staring at his lap again.

Aliisa

'I know you need arrogance to fight demons. But Evas, we are no demons. We are not possessed or anything. We are just humans with a trickset that came with our birth,' she said to him. 'No!' he immediately responded, waving his hands through the air as if he could wipe away her words. 'That's not what I- I didn't mean-,' he said, stumbling over his own words. He let out a tired sigh and rubbed his face with the palm of his hand. 'I know you are not. I just tried to explain why some of us are so arrogant they get off the right path,' he muttered, not really trying to make her understand anymore. He got the feeling she'd never completely understand it, just as he probably would't be able to understand her.
He rubbed his hands over the rough fabric of his jeans and set down his bag between his feet. 'Look, I can try to explain it to you, to make you understand, but the truth is I don't even know myself why shadowhunters did the things they did,' he said. 'I don't know.' Something about the words made the anger in him flash up again and he clenched his fists. He thought about the Institute, about why Kayleigh lived there, or why Léon and Aswin had. Even though it was a nice place, none of them had chosen it voluntarily. The Institute wasn't just a place where shadowhunters could sleep while they were patrolling the streets, looking for demons. It was a place for shadowhunters to sleep when they didn't have anywhere else to go as well. They had all encountered the darker sides of their own kind. He pursed his lips and looked out over the water. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair.
When he offered her she could show him if she wanted to, she shook her head. 'No, it's alright,' she said and he looked up quickly. Both were silent for a minute. Finally, Aliisa broke the silence. 'There is something going on with you, isn't there?' she asked him. His hand immediately went up to his chest, feeling selfconscious. 'I'm fine,' he almost snarled at her. Why did suddenly everyone around him feel the need to point out the ugly scar running over his chest? He'd managed to not spent a single thought about it for months, until now. Now no one seemed to allow him even one minute of playing ignorant. 'Is there anything I can do?' 
He looked up, a little startled at her question, and his hand dropped. 'I'm fine,' he repeated, but this time he sounded almost defeated. He took a deep breath and focused on the water. A subtle wind made it ripple, and he let his eyes follow the wind's trace as far as he could. 'There's nothing that can be done, anyway,' he said after a long silence. 'I've looked,' he added. 

Aliisa

She almost felt hurt about his blunt response, and he felt a little guilty. It was just that he didn't like people forcing him to remember. After he told her there was nothing to be done, she stayed silent for a short while. 'Evas, I am sure that you are not okay,' she said and he clenched his fists to keep himself from snarling at her a second time. He was sure he wasn't okay as well, but like he said. There was nothing that could be done about it. 'There is something wrong with you and maybe if you let me...'

She didn't finish her sentence, but let the last words hang heavy in the air. There is something wrong with you. He knew she hadn't meant it that way, but he had heard plenty of people say it, either to his face or behind his back. His skin itched and he pressed his palms flat against his upper legs. 'I've looked into every book and script,' he repeated. 'You can't help me,' he assured her. 
'There are always more ways,' she said softly. He bit the inside of his cheek for what must've been the fiftieth time today, and kept his words inside. He didn't want to answer her, because that would mean he would either have to agree with her, or deny her words. He refused to do both. Evas had found out it was easier not to get his hopes up, because they'd almost always were turned down. However, he still wasn't really able to abandon every last bit of his hope.
When suddenly Aliisa rose, he looked up, a little confused. Now she was standing up and he was still sitting on the bench, she had to look down to see his face. He watched the wind blow a few strands of her hair in front of her face as she spoke to him. 'If you do want any help you know where to find me.'
He already opened his mouth to ask her if she had to go already, when suddenly she was gone. He blinked a few times, and couldn't help but look around him, feeling suddenly lost. No one else had seen the sudden disappearence. Humans could be blind like that.
He leaned back against the bench and let his hand slide down his face, not being able to keep his thoughts about what just happened from crashing down on him.

Evas stayed another full hour - at the least - in the city before he turned back towards the Institute. Just as he expected, Kayleigh immediately came running down the hallway when she heard him opening the doors. Ava was close behind. 'Evas, damn you swine,' Kayleigh hissed at him, and he had to use all he had in him not to laugh. She was always creative with the insults. 'You should've at least replied to your texts,' she blamed him. At that Evas frowned, not remembering having felt his phone buzz. 'Oh,' he said, surprised, when he noticed he didn't have his phone with him. That seemed to infuriate Kayleigh even more. When he noticed the worry still in her eyes, his face softened. 'I'm sorry,' he said. 'I should've let you know where I'd gone, I know,' he told her. 'I just- I needed to get out for a while, and then I-,' saw Aliisa, he wanted to say, but something kept him from actually saying it out loud. It was selfish, but he wanted to keep the meeting to himself. When he noticed Kayleigh and Ava's asking looks, he quickly finished his sentence, although sounding a bit vague. '- I just forgot the time, I guess.'
Just as Ava was about to say or ask something, Clemence came down the stairs. She had her hair pulled tight into a knot and wore a professional outfit that seemed to warn everyone around her not to doubt her words. He knew her long enough to know that it was what she wore when she had something difficult to tell. His heart stopped for a moment before going on again. 'Kayleigh, Ava,' she said. 'I want you to collect everyone currently in the Institute to gather in the dinner room as soon as possible. Tell them we have an emergency meeting.' She seemed to think after her words for a moment, giving Evas a wondering look. 'Evas, you can gather the minors. I think this is meant for everyone's ears.' After that she seemed content, since she turned around again to return to her office. Evas and Kayleigh gave eachother a wondering look before both going about the job Clemence had just given them.

Not half an hour later, everyone was gathered in the dinner room. After a short discussion, Clemence had agreed he could sit at the table next to Kayleigh, even though his punishment was still up, and the other minors were all standing more at the outside of the circle. Clemence stood at the head, her hands on the surface of the table. 'Shadowhunters,' she started, and was sure to make eye contact with everyone before continueing. 'I have spoken to Uthred today. Not many of you know his name, but I can tell you his the father of Aliisa,' she said. This seemed to cause some people to start muttering to eachother, but Clemence held her gaze cold and steady until everyone was silent again. 'We have spoken with each other today on the matter of said daughter,' she told. 'I know this may seem wrong or strange to a lot of you, but I know him from my past and I know that he can be trusted. Now, we all know what Aliisa has done, but we must remember that she has been under the hand of Damian for a very long time. No one would come pretty out of that.' She looked around the room again, pulling nods out of everyone. 'Her father has explained her past to me in a short matter of time. We have come to the agreement that Aliisa, despite not having shadowhunter blood running through her veins, to come to the Institute after this war has been settled.' Now everyone spoke up, and people were shouting things over eachother. Evas said silent in his spot, not really believing - nor understanding - what Clemence had just said. 'Enough!' Clemence' voice was like a whip, and everyone looked up at the moment her voice filled the room. It was suddenly very clear why Clemence was chosen as head of this Institute. 'She needs training, and someone to explain her the real events of our history. This is one of the few places where we can provide her that. You are dismissed.'

Aliisa

Against all expectations they were able to make up a compromise. The warlocks would be granted an honest trail before they'd be accused of any crime, something which Evas believed should've happened a long time ago already. 
After everyone's anger or hurt had decreased a little, Aliisa had come to the Institute. Somehow, though, Evas hadn't seen her once. He wasn't sure how he felt about her living here now anyway. Maybe it was his own fault, for a part, that they seemed to miss eachother every time. It had been two weeks, and Evas still hadn't come up with what he wanted to tell her.

'Evas, you don't have to stay,' Kayleigh said, and he looked up, startled. They - he, Kayleigh and Ava - were sitting in Kayleigh's room, centered around a board game which rules Evas didn't even fully understand. He got distracted by his own thoughts every five seconds, at least. 'What?' he asked, confused. Ava and Kayleigh both sighed. 'It's your turn, Evas.' 'Oh.'
He looked at the board and frowned. Which color was his again? 'Evas, just go already. We'll be fine without you, really. We'll talk another time,' Kayleigh said, giving him a knowing look. He blinked again. It seemed she knew him better than he did himself, because he had no idea why he drifted off so often the past few days.
'I'm sorry,' he said, and this time he meant it. Kayleigh brushed it off by shrugging her shoulders. 'It's fine,' she convinced him. Evas glanced at the board in front of him another time before he stood up, muttering something about going for a walk while he walked out of the room. When he closed the door behind him, he leaned against the wall for a few seconds, pinching the bridge of his nose. God, what was wrong with him?
He looked around the hall, wondering what he was supposed to do now. Think, that was obvious, but where? He bit his lip, hesitating a few moments before deciding that he'd go to the library. It was the best place to think, next to his own room, after all. He stopped by his room to grab a book, just in case, and headed towards the large room in the almost-center of the Institute.

When he opened the doors to the library, he breathed in the familiar scent that came with all the centuries old books. At first he thought he was alone, and the muscles in his shoulders already began to relax when he heard a sound so sudden he unconscioucsly grabbed for his stele. A few seconds later, and he realized how stupid it was: there were no demons inside the Institute. Instead, he saw as he walked further into the room, it was Aliisa. Behind her lay various books on the ground. That explained the sound: she had probably thrown over a pile of books. She looked at him, not appearing comfortable at all. 'Hi,' she almost whispered. Evas rubbed the back of his neck, glancing at the books on the ground again. 'Hi,' he repeated, just as unsure about how to act now. 'Er- shall I help with those?' he asked, pointing at the books that had fallen.

Aliisa

It took a while before Aliisa finally answered his question. 'If you want to,' she said, so soft he had to take a small step closer to hear her words. 'Ehm, yeah, ofcourse,' he muttered. When she bend down to pile up the books he followed her example. They both stayed silent as they collected all the books that had fallen on the ground. He thought of everything he wanted to ask her, but none of the questions seemed right for the moment, and even if they had been, he had no idea how to word them. When they finished heaping up the books he stood straight again. Just as he opened his mouth to say something, she spoke first. 'Thank you. I uh... I will be going now.' 
He blinked, a little surprised, and looked at the book she held in her arms. He recognised the cover. Of course he did; he read every book in this library at least once. His punishment still applied, so he didn't have that much to do. 'A-,' he started, but he couldn't even finish her name before she rushed past him.
He stayed behind in the large room, feeling even more confused than he had before. He didn't get her. Now he was sure she was avoiding him, but why?
He bit his lip and grabbed his own book, which he had lain down on the table when piling the other books. Had he done something wrong? Had he upset her somehow?
He breathed in heavily and closed his eyes for a few seconds. One thing he knew for sure. He had to fix whatever was going on between them, because it was obvious he couldn't do anything in the state he was in right now. 

He stuffed the book under his arm, grabbed another one he had seen in the pile of books that looked interesting, and left the library. Guessing Aliisa had went to her room, he walked through the various large halls to where her room was. When he arrived there, he waited just a few moments before softly knocking on the door. 'Aliisa?' he asked, sounding more insecure than he had intended to. The door wasn't locked, and as he knocked on it, the door moved slightly open. He hesitantly peeked inside. When he saw the room from the inside, his eyebrows went up in surprise. Forgetting the tension that hung between them for a short moment, he stepped further inside the room, looking around. 'This is not how this room looked the last time I came here,' he said, observing the large chamber. Finally his eyes drifted towards Aliisa, and he suddenly realised again why he was here. 'Sorry,' he said, when it dawned on him he had just stepped inside her room without her approval. 'I didn't mean to-,'
He didn't finish the sentence, just stood there with his shoulders slumped and his gaze locked on the floor. 'I wanted to- You-,' he stumbled over his words, and cursed himself in his mind for not thinking this through. 'Did I- do something?' he asked her, scraping his throat as he looked up to her. 'I mean- it's obvious you're avoiding me,' he added.

Aliisa

Aliisa

It didn't take him long before he reached the training room, since he was almost running. He didn't want to be stopped by someone, he needed time to- well, just time. He wasn't sure yet what he'd do with it. He took of his jacket, carelessly dropping it on the floor and yanked open the closet that held the knives. He didn't take time to choose one; he just grabbed the whole box and let it smack down on the table from where he'd throw. Evas took the first knife he saw, and breathed in deeply as he brought up his hand, focusing his eyes on the target a few metres away. Normally he didn't have any difficulty with hitting bull's eye - it was something all shadowhunters were supposed to be able to do - but now the anger made his sight blurry and his muscles shiver with rage. As he puffed out his breath and threw the knife, it went nowhere near the target. Instead it buried itself in the wall next to it. As he grabbed another knife, this time without even looking, he thought about an article he had read once. It had said that throwing things did, in fact, only worsen one's anger. Despite that, he kept throwing the knives. Unlike other people, Evas didn't throw the knives to break things or put himself in unnecessary danger. He threw the knives so he could keep his mind on the task at hand, instead of all the thoughts drowning him. When he grabbed the fifth knife, his movements already grew more precise. When he threw the knife towards the other side of the room, this time it hit the target. His breath had already slowed down a bit when he reached for another one. His sight was clear now, and he could almost feel the worry and anger and selfpity drift away from his head, leaving him calm and focused. He didn't smile when this time the knife pierced the small red circle, but he did allow his shoulders to relax. He turned slightly towards the next target, not giving himself time to think, but throwing a knife again. And again. And again. Every time the blade hitting the target made the soft thud he was able to let go yet another small piece of his anger. He didn't hear anyone entering the room; he was too focused on throwing the knives for that. So as he took one of the last knives in his hand, and suddenly heard a voice, he didn't think. He spinned around on his heels, already lifting his arm to throw the knife. Just as he brought his hand forward for the throw, he recognised the flash of red hair a second before the knife left his hand, giving him just enough time to change the course of the blade. It dug inside the doorframe, not that far away from Aliisa. 
Evas' eyes were wide and he took in a sharp breath, looking from the knife to Aliisa. 'You should knock first,' he said after a short silence. Not very long after that, he realised the words she had said. He frowned, now looking at her a little different. Not angry anymore, but not calm either. 'Like you do?' he asked her. 'I don't think there's any other way to see this,' he said, and gestured towards the space between them.
He walked towards her, but only to pick up the jacket that lay a little in front of her feet. 

Aliisa

"There are a million ways to look at how things are," she pointed out. Evas pursed his lips. Normally he would agree with her, but not now. Not now it concerned himself. As he picked up his jacket, Aliisa watched him with a strange look in her eyes. He slowly put his jacket on, frowning as he observed her face. "You'll probably have a headache and maybe you'll hate me but I will take that chance. I am sorry," she said as she took a step closer to him. "What-," he started, but stopped as she lay her hands on his head. His breath stopped for a second and he watched her face, growing more confused with every second. What was she doing? Just as he wanted to ask it out loud, he felt it. The feelins came rushing forward, and he felt as if his head was spinning. There was no doubt that these feelings weren't his own, even though some of them- most of them were the same. They were Aliisa's. It became a little harder to breathe and he felt his head grow dizzy, so he lay a hand on Aliisa's middle to steady himself. He wasn't sure if there was anything else he could do but to let the feelings keep coming, so he stood still, holding his breath. Just as sudden as the feelings had started coming, they stopped. He opened his eyes - he hadn't even noticed closing them - and watched as Aliisa pulled back. He dropped his hand back to his side, still feeling the touch of fabric he had held in his fist.
He looked at Aliisa, not knowing what he was supposed to do now. She opened her mouth a few times, but said nothing. After what felt like ages, she just disappeared. Evas didn't move. He had forgotten how.
He had no idea how long he stood there in the training room until some one entered. "Evas?" He looked to his side, slowly, as he recognised Kayleigh's voice. "Evas, what are you doing? What happened?" As he heard the worry in her voice, he finally remembered how to move his body, so he shook his head. "Nothing. It's- I'm fine," he assured her. Kayleigh didn't seem very convinced, but she didn't ask either. He breathed in deep and ran a hand through his hair. He swallowed in an attempt to make his mouth less dry and looked at Kayleigh again. "You should-,' he started and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "You should think about giving Aliisa another chance," he told her. Kayleigh already opened her mouth to protest, but Evas put up his hand and she fell silent again. "I know what she did," he said. "It's not right, I know that, but you two used to be good friends." For a moment he wasn't able to read the expression on Kayleigh's face, but then she looked away and he didn't try to. "I know," she whispered. "Besides, you gave me plenty of second chances, didn't you?" Evas said, trying to get rid of the tension between them. Kayleigh gave him a small smile. "Well, I already knew you were good at screwing things up," she pointed out.

He wasn't sure how long he and Kayleigh had talked until he walked back to his room. He let his eyes scan the floor, the desk, the shelves, let them drift over all the books that were spread throughout his whole room. When he finally found what he was looking for, he picked it up and stuffed it under his arm. He needed to take a deep breath and talk some courage into himself, but after that he walked back to Aliisa's room. When he arrived in front of a door, he did his best to push the insecure feeling he had to the back of his head and knocked on the door. "Aliisa?" he asked, scraping his throat. "Are you there?" He bit his lip and looked at the book in his hand. "Er- I brought you something to read?" It sounded less confident than he had wanted it to, but oh well, too late to take the words back now.

Aliisa

When it stayed silent on the other side of the door, he started wondering if she hadn't gone somewhere else. He didn't even know why he thought she'd be in her room. He didn't know that much about the whole teleporting thing, but it seemed to him she could go anywhere she wanted. Surely there were more pleasant places than the room in the Institute. He knew now she didn't feel at home here, not really. 
Just as he wanted to turn around and walk back to his own room, he heard some movement in the room on the other side of the wall. The door in front of him unlocked and swept open. Evas felt even more uncomfortable now there wasn't anything between himself and Aliisa. He wasn't sure how to act, how to keep his face. "Come in," she said, and he heard the slight tremble in her voice. She pointed to a chair and, believing she meant for him to sit, he walked to the seat. "You did not have to bring anything, you know," was the first thing she now said. He looked up to her. "I know," he said. "I just thought-," he started, but then looked away so it would be a little easier to tell his thoughts. "I remembered the way you looked when I first showed you the Institute, and I thought- maybe... a book would make you feel b- I mean, I just thought you'd like it, I guess," he stumbled, suddenly not even sure himself why he had brought it to her room.
"E- Evas you... you should not have come," Aliisa suddenly said. Evas lay the book on the desk and folded his hands in his lap. He watched her face, not saying anything for a while. "You're wrong," he finally said. His eyes went from his hands to Aliisa and back again. "We're still friends, Aliisa. At least that's how I see it." His last words sounded even more insecure, but he kept talking in the hope she wouldn't notice. "Back at the- you know when. You clearly didn't feel too well," he said. "I might not be very good at the whole socializing thing, but I do know that that's where friends come in." He didn't look at her anymore, but instead kept staring at his own hands. He was silent again for a while, thinking about how to word the things he still wanted to say to her.
"You may have done some things wrong," he started, and immediately putting his hand up before she could interrupt, "- and I might have done some things wrong, but I still don't want you to feel the way you do," he told her. He let his hand down again and tried to rub out a wrinkle in the fabric of his jeans. It didn't work.

"I don't know very much about other people. You might have noticed that already," he said, showing her a quick smirk before continueing. "But I thought, reading helps me sometimes, so maybe it'll work the same for you."